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Apr 16 17 7:09 PM

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  Daily ShoutsSteve Bannon’s Cover LetterBy Broti Gupta and Karen Chee  April 6, 2017 image PHOTOGRAPH BY T. J. KIRKPATRICK / THE NEW YORK TIMES / REDUX Dear Sir or Madam who is a secretary to Sir,Hello! My name is Steve Bannon, and I am applying to work for your organization.First, let me introduce myself. I am relatable in that I look like an everyman but act like a Disney villain, two archetypes that people know and love. I have even made the great sacrifice of forgoing the name “Stephen” for “Steve,” a casual, potentially middle-class name (note: I am not middle class). And people think white men don’t have to make sacrifices!As an undergraduate at Virginia Tech, I majored in urban planning, which gave me the confidence to use the word “urban” to describe all the people I don’t like. I briefly studied abroad in Japan before transferring to Russia, where there were more white people and I felt more at home. Needless to say, I am cultured. I can speak fluently to Russians who understand English and have mastered the Japanese phrase, “How do I leave your country? Where is Russia?”At Virginia Tech, I engaged in many activities that strengthened my communication, critical-thinking, and leadership skills. As the senior adviser to the president of the Pale Awareness Club (PAC), I insured that our president never veered from our mission of fighting for the rights of those with pale complexions. I also fought for the supremacy of this club over other cultural organizations (an endeavor I dubbed Super PAC) and organized two mixers every semester with the Outdoors Club, which celebrates keeping immigrants outdoors. Often, I took over the responsibilities of the president while he was busy partying with spring breakers in Florida. During this time, I also made sure to keep the PAC newsletter, Alt-White, in circulation.After graduation, I attended Harvard Business School, where I learned about the frankly horrifying wage gap, the life-threatening shortcomings of a capitalist society, and how I could personally benefit from both. There, I played an integral part of uniting the P.O.C. (Pale of Complexion) community, and I hope to continue to apply those skills within your organization. The P.O.C.s in your office have my full support and empathy.While I am aware that you may need a reference, I’m afraid that my former boss from PAC will not write a letter on my behalf, but, if you tweet at him, there’s a non-zero chance he will reply at 3 A.M. It is also worth mentioning that I have recently stepped down (despite what the media might say) from my position on the PAC Security Council. I have resigned by choice, simply because it was not a good fit, which is why I got up and said, “I, Steve Bannon, would like to leave now.” My resignation was met with cries of “No, Steve Bannon! Don’t leave! Especially not now!” and “How can we go on without you?!” and “You are so handsome and pleasant to look at, not at all like a big pile of cigarette ash.”If you were hoping to hire a more “diverse” candidate, please consider that white men are now being tragically overlooked in favor of women, un-American races, and people with actual qualifications.I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you so much for considering my application to be President of the United States.Best,Steve Bannon